The Program — Free trial period (3rd instalment)

Free trial period (3rd instalment)

Enhance readability: Off On

IMS: Hello, this is IMS, the author of The Program audio series. You might have discovered the show only recently and had been binge listening to it. If so, you've been hearing my various pleas for support in a quick succession. Allow me to repeat that these appeals are unfortunately still very much relevant. Remember, I'm asking for your help to fund the show to the minimally operational level - a long way from living a life of luxury. If The Program ever starts making obscene amounts of profit, I will remove this message. Which is to say that as long as you're hearing these words, your financial support is still crucial for the future of the show. I make every effort to create something of value. If you find value in what I create, please make an effort to become a supporter. You can find ways to do so in the show notes or at programaudioseries.com. Thank you.

ANNOUNCER: This is the continuation of the story. Make sure you have listened to the previous episode before proceeding.

TRADER: Um... I’m gonna leave now. But before I go, I also have a theory of what happens after we die.

ESCORT: Which one?

TRADER: All the people you meet in the afterlife are you. And they behave just the way you did while you were alive. That there is heaven or hell.

SYNTH VOICE: THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

CEO: Well there'll certainly be some celebrations on the streets of Iceland tonight.

AIDE: Shut the fuck up!

CEO: Relax, it’s a joke. Humour is a coping strategy. I’m coping!

AIDE: This is not a laughing matter! Who took the insulin?

CEO: Well it wasn’t me!

POLITICIAN: As I said, we just don’t know what happened. Perhaps he simply lost it in the dark!

ESCORT: Or perhaps he feigned it disappearing so he could escape!

SOLDIER: Come on, don’t tell me you buy that batshit theory that the last person in the room is actually the one who gets the bullet? There’s no logic in that at all!

CEO: Oh, geez man, imprisoning people and making them decide who gets killed next is logical? That’s the discussion we’re gonna be having now?

POLITICIAN: It’d probably still be more productive than discussing who’s bloody right when it comes to you-know-what!

CEO: That’s because there’s no discussion about that!

ESCORT: Well certainly not with that attitude.

CEO: Honey I didn’t hire you for your talking skills, but if you think talking is the solution, go to our captors and try to talk your way out of here! It’d be like arguing with a brick wall! People have been trying to do so for decades, and guess what - turns out you can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

POLITICIAN: Ah, the age of the dog is irrelevant. A bigger impediment is if its entire life the dog has been nothing but beaten, starved, and deceived.

ESCORT: Let’s not compare anyone to animals. We need to stop dehumanizing people, even if they’re our enemies.

SOLDIER: Why not? After all, humans are animals. We’re a subspecies of great apes. And just like great apes, we’re inherently hierarchical and territorial. And if you wanna ignore these basic biological facts you do so at your own peril.

ESCORT: It’s indeed a good argument - it’s just not in your favour! Sure, you can reduce the human experience to human nature. But the whole goal of civilization is to transcend nature! We're humans not as much as we resemble apes; we're humans as much as we differ from apes. I mean, show me an ape that has language, or culture, or laws!

POLITICIAN: Oh, I wouldn’t put too much stock in those! What we call “laws” is just a byword for power! Laws, constitutions, nations, states - it's all narratives!

CEO: Precisely. And now some B-horror-movie-wannabes are going to slaughter us like rabbits because we were born under a flag none of us chose in the first place!

SOLDIER: You may not have chosen the flag, but you’ve received the advantages it confers. You cannot separate the benefits from the baggage. Everything our country bestows comes with everything it burdens us with.

ESCORT: Can we have a bit more bestowing, please? It kinda feels like it’s been mostly burdening for the last few decades or so!

SOLDIER: Burdening? You would be dead, pure and simple, without a state!

POLITICIAN: Well maybe that’s why people are willing to die to get one.

SOLDIER: I’m okay with them dying for it. What I’m not okay with is them killing for it.

CEO: Indeed, the last 24 hours have seen this place get its greatest share of human sacrifices since the Canaanites!

ESCORT: Actually, this was Hittite territory.

CEO: Thank you for that important correction. Should we also perform a land acknowledgement?

SOLDIER: Why not? After all, the only thing a land acknowledgment really signals is a certainty that the defeated cannot take it back.

POLITICIAN: Should we also acknowledge this land is now uninhabitable for the next 2000 years?

CEO: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

ESCORT: You are aware we won this quote-unquote prize as well?

SOLDIER: That’s only because the wind inexplicably changed course and blew the radiation in our direction.

POLITICIAN: And then some people say God does not exist.

ESCORT: It’s got nothing to do with deities and everything to do with us! It's simple. We didn't want to share land, now there's no fucking land.

SOLDIER: Oh, you mean like they shared it with us? They were the ones who raised their hand first!

ESCORT: It doesn’t matter who raised the hand first, what matters now is who’s going to extend the hand first.

SOLDIER: And where were these extended hands when we were the ones without a home? I don’t remember seeing a lot of extended hands back then - unless you count the fists.

ESCORT: And we won’t be safe before we unclench them! If you’re not ready to forgive on moral grounds, can you at least forgive from a strategic standpoint?

SOLDIER: Oh, I agree we should forgive them. Just not before we've eliminated them.

ESCORT: Stop saying shit like that! This isn’t one of those "do you see a white dress or a blue dress" questions! If burned babies don't move your heart it's because you don't have one!

SOLDIER: If I’m not moved it’s not because I don’t have a heart - it’s because I have a brain. Don’t you understand the question isn’t if there’ll be burned babies - the question is whose babies are going to burn. WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXIST.

ESCORT: AND THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO RESIST!

AIDE: I DON'T FUCKING CARE! I DON'T CARE IF WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXIST OR IF THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND THEMSELVES! I DON'T CARE WHO THREW HOW MANY BOMBS, AND WHETHER THEY WERE DIRTY OR CLEAN! I DON'T CARE WHOSE GREAT-GRANDFATHER CAME HERE FIRST AND IF HE PLANTED OLIVE TREES OR FUCKED GOATS! …I DON'T HATE ANYBODY BUT I HATE ALL OF THIS! …I just want to go home…

CEO: Oh not again.

SYNTH VOICE: WHAT IS THIS COMMOTION?

POLITICIAN: Oh the lad, the lad just got a tad excited! You know how crazy kids can get about history! We’re civilized people, after all!

SYNTH VOICE: HAVE YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE?

POLITICIAN: Well no, you see —

AIDE: Yes! Yes we have!

POLITICIAN: What the hell are you doing?

AIDE: I’m taking the trader’s bet. After all — if he was indeed correct, and all of this is a test — it might be a rather simple one.

POLITICIAN: Of what?

AIDE: Of contrition. …Alright, I’ll be going now…

CEO: The hell you are.

AIDE: Like I said, no need to try and stop me, I made up my mind and I’m willing to —

CEO: — NO, no, no, man… I’m saying I’m going out instead of you!

AIDE: What?

CEO: Suddenly you wanna leave too? This just confirms the last one here is getting killed! AND IT AIN’T GONNA BE ME, BROTHER!

POLITICIAN: Well I’m going too!

ESCORT: No, I am!

SYNTH VOICE: THE QUESTION WAS SIMPLE: HAVE YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE?

AIDE: YES WE HAVE! AND IT’S ME! I said it first.

SYNTH VOICE: VERY WELL. APPROACH THE DOOR.

AIDE: The light! I don’t fucking see anything!

SYNTH VOICE: JUST WALK.

AIDE: Okay. …By the way, I also have a theory on what happens to us after we die. I believe that —

SYNTH VOICE: THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

ESCORT: They shot him! They fucking shot him!

CEO: Nonsense! It just confirms he was on their side!

ESCORT: What?

CEO: Don’t you get it? He was playing along!

POLITICIAN: Are you bloody mad?! Don’t you see that they shot him dead?!

SOLDIER: We didn’t see anything! We were all blinded by the light!

POLITICIAN: So what are you saying? That it’s all staged? We’re all crisis actors?!

CEO: I mean you’re a politician, man, I don’t trust you further than I can throw you!

SOLDIER: Everybody pull yourselves together! We need to stay united!

ESCORT: “Stay”?

SOLDIER: Fine, let’s say we aim for unity.

POLITICIAN: He’s right. He’s right. After all, we’ll be sharing a tomb for eternity!

ESCORT: Fucking hell... I knew I should have stuck to camming.

SOLDIER: Yeah, and I should have remained a drone operator.

ESCORT: Geez… You know, I think that was the first funny thing you’ve said.

CEO: The first attempt at being funny.

ESCORT: How did you end up in the army anyway? Wait, don’t tell me! You come from a family of officers... One of your ancestors fought against Ghengis Khan or Napoleon Bonapart!

SOLDIER: You wouldn’t believe it, but my parents were artists... They were musicians in the old country. Well, to an extent - they made most of their money by composing jingles… Nevertheless, they wanted me and my brother to follow in their footsteps.

ESCORT: So you ended up joining the army marching band?

SOLDIER: Hah… What I ended up becoming was a father. I have two sons of my own now. They are why I joined the forces. No revolutionary ever charged at the enemy with a violin. I became a soldier so my children may one day become musicians again. …Well, that and the money was good.

ESCORT: I appreciate the honesty.

SOLDIER: You know, I’d return the question, but I’m afraid it might be construed the wrong way, with your profession.

ESCORT: Hah, I just decided to make love not war. …And the money was good. But hey, at least I’m not a politician! I’m joking, of course…

POLITICIAN: No offence taken. I’m used to it. “How are politicians like diapers”, “poly-tics”… I’ve heard them all.

CEO: So why’d you get involved in politics then?

POLITICIAN: As trite as it sounds, I wanted to make a change. The problem is, everybody wants change but nobody wants to change.

ESCORT: I think the real problem is that modern leaders do anything but lead. Even the way they speak doesn't sound, y’know, normal.

POLITICIAN: The reason we talk like robots is because anything we say will get twisted out of recognition. I mean, people's campaigns imploded because the media took a photo of them eating a sandwich! It’s no surprise we don’t elect leaders anymore - the path to victory flipped from “be inspiring” to “don’t be controversial”.

ESCORT: Honestly I would welcome less controversy in politics the way things are going.

POLITICIAN: That’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you! The opposite of “controversial” isn’t “level-headed”; the opposite of “controversial” is “more of the same”. Every advancement was once controversial. For years it took real gumption to stand up to homophobes. For years fighting against racists meant just that - fighting. It’s easy to be righteous when you’re not actually risking anything. Standing up to injustice always comes at a cost. If it doesn’t, it’s either no longer a real injustice, or you’re not really doing something against it.

CEO: So you’re saying all those gay pride tweets our PR department post don’t help anybody?

POLITICIAN: They help the PR department heads keep their jobs.

SOLDIER: Speaking of, what exactly does your company do?

CEO: We deliver innovative solutions to foster international rule-based order.

SOLDIER: I didn't ask for your company mission BS - I asked what you do.

CEO: …We’re one of the Big Six.

POLITICIAN: Oh shit.

ESCORT: Big six what?

SOLDIER: One of the six biggest arms manufacturers.

POLITICIAN: "Man is known by the company he keeps.”

ESCORT: So you are literally making the weapons we’re killing each other with?

CEO: No, no, we are making weapons that keep us safe.

ESCORT: We won’t be safe until everyone is safe. If we were building schools instead of guns none of us would be locked in here right now!

SOLDIER: You’re technically correct, but only because without those guns we’d all already be dead. When you educate your adversary, you don’t get an ally. All you get is an educated adversary.

ESCORT: So you're saying some people are beyond teaching?

SOLDIER: I'm saying you should start thinking of people as they are, not as you wish they were. Think our government doesn't treat your trade kindly? You should see what those “uneducated victims” you so lionize would do to you if they had their way.

ESCORT: Believe me, I don’t have any illusions about people. I’ve seen them naked! And trust me, I know the difference between fucking, and getting fucked.

CEO: Do you now? You know that Moody’s TOP 40 index fund you put your money into?

ESCORT: What about it?

CEO: My company constitutes 30% of its overall value. The next 25%? An oil and gas conglomerate. Every pickup on the highway, every rifle on the frontline? You directly profit from them. The Boy Wonder called it “a hands off approach”. Well just because your hands are off, doesn't mean they're clean, honey.

POLITICIAN: And your hands are neither, having been caught with them in women’s knickers! Honestly you should volunteer to go next, matey - if our captors don’t kill you, your wife's gonna do it anyway!

CEO: Seven years ago, during the Third Uprising, my wife got hit with a piece of shrapnel in her spine. It left her quadriplegic. This trip is the first time I left her bedside since it happened. She knows of Miss Serenity. In fact, she's the one who encouraged me to hire her.

POLITICIAN: Oh… I’m sorry… I didn’t know…

CEO: Forget it... Doesn’t matter. …Y’know, all this existential talk about life and what awaits us in the great beyond and all that crap… It got me thinking… And I have to say, I for one cannot comprehend the idea of hell. I mean, realistically speaking, there's no hell God could come up with, that people wouldn’t become indifferent to in a week.

ESCORT: What? We didn’t do anything to draw attention!

CEO: They must have run out of people in the other room!

SOLDIER: THERE IS NO OTHER ROOM!

POLITICIAN: Nevermind that, we need to get our shit together or they’re gonna gas us!

CEO: Shit what do we do?

SYNTH VOICE: HAVE YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE?

POLITICIAN: TAKE THE CEO!

CEO: What?!

POLITICIAN: TAKE THE CEO! TAKE HIM NOW!

CEO: No, wait a minute, we never said anything like that!

SYNTH VOICE: DO OTHERS CONCUR WITH THAT DECISION?

SOLDIER: Affirmative.

ESCORT: Yes.

CEO: Oooh!

SYNTH VOICE: VERY WELL. APPROACH THE DOOR.

CEO: No! We never agreed to this! And I’m not going! If you want me, you gotta come in and get me.

SYNTH VOICE: THAT IS ACCEPTABLE.

CEO: ARGH! THE LIGHT!

That’s not fair! You’re fighting a blind man! YOU’RE FIGHTING A BLIND MAN! You’re fighting… A… Blind… Man…

SYNTH VOICE: THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

ESCORT: Oh you fucking dick!

POLITICIAN: What? I just saved you!

ESCORT: Yeah, you're like a superhero who only gets his powers after he eats a kitten!

POLITICIAN: I did what you wanted but weren’t strong enough to do yourself! Didn’t you just say you wanted your leaders to lead?

SOLDIER: A real leader would have volunteered to go out himself.

POLITICIAN: And you think I don’t know the two of you will kick me out after this..? Oh, fret not, you’ll wash your conscience soon enough! Everyone's so bloody understanding ‘til Vivaldi starts playing…

ESCORT: Don’t act like you’re a powerless victim here! You work for a government that puts its political survival above other people's actual survival!

POLITICIAN: Oh, do me a favour! People have been killing each other for this speck of land since Hamlet was still a rough draft!

ESCORT: That's just conflating "justice" with "revenge". And precisely the reason why we have courts.

POLITICIAN: The courts are not in the business of preserving justice. They’re in the business of preserving order. And justice and order are often at the opposite sides of the spectrum. The oppressed are under no obligation to morally resolve what’s an inherently immoral situation.

ESCORT: If there are no moral rules, who decides who’s the good guy and who’s the bad guy?

SOLDIER: The one with the nukes.

POLITICIAN: And here comes the fallout…

SYNTH VOICE: HAVE YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE?

SOLDIER: Go on. Do your thing.

POLITICIAN: Oh no. I’m not letting you go easily. You still need to vote.

ESCORT: Seriously?

POLITICIAN: What can I say, I want to go out on an election victory.

SOLDIER: Goddammit… Okay. We have made our choice! Take the Brit.

ESCORT: Take him.

POLITICIAN: Very well. Open the doors.

Alright, seems like this is a goodbye. It’s been a pleasure. Well, considering the circumstances.

SOLDIER: Be careful out there.

POLITICIAN: Certainly, I’ll do my best not to trip and break my neck on the way out. …Also, I know why hell is something you simply can’t get used to.

ESCORT: Why?

POLITICIAN Because of the realization that if hell exists, then so does heaven. …You know what? That light isn’t really that bright…

SYNTH VOICE: THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

ESCORT: Now what?

SOLDIER: Dunno. I’d suggest we play rock-paper-scissors if we could see anything.

ESCORT: I suck at that game anyway.

SOLDIER: Oh, I find that hard to believe… You played it perfectly.

ESCORT: …What?

SOLDIER: Come on, no need to put on appearances any longer. You know what you did.

ESCORT: And what did I do?

SOLDIER: For starters, you’re the one who nudged the priest over that altruistic cliff. And you’re the one who baited the policeman in the exact opposite way.

ESCORT: That guy went off the hook, bait or no bait!

SOLDIER: And what if he hadn't, huh? Would you have screamed and accused him of hitting you regardless? …I'm willing to bet you’re also the one who made the insulin disappear.

ESCORT: Now that’s not —

SOLDIER: — Come on! Come on, come on... Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you’re some evil genius. The poor Scottish kid obviously couldn’t take it any longer and he snapped. And it’s the politician who cooked the CEO’s goose… But you – you made no unforced errors. In a room full of people with financial, political, religious, and military power, you prevailed.

ESCORT: Whatever I did, it wasn’t done out of malice…

SOLDIER: Of course not. You did what you had to do… We did what we had to do. …Every once in a while, the rule "might makes right" becomes terrifyingly clear. This shocks people with coddled minds. But for everyone who never had the luxury of ignorance it confirms what they already know. Those with power exert their will; those without it endure their fate. …So congratulations. You made it to the end. But it’s precisely that. The end. A dead end.

ESCORT: What are you suggesting?

SOLDIER: Remember the gas cylinder? It’s in the room with us… I’m touching it as we speak. If I pull hard enough I believe I can break it off.

ESCORT: And kill us?

SOLDIER: Hopefully more than that. Total volume of this room is around 100 cubic metres. If we fill it up with gas and ignite it, it should blow up the entire compound!

ESCORT: How are we going to ignite it? We’ll be dead!

SOLDIER: We have the whizz kid’s Samsung device. I can set it to monitor our glucose for values below 10 milligrams per decilitre. That’s ten times less than a healthy human. When it finally beeps, the gas concentration will be so high that the battery discharge should ignite it. Basically, our bodies will be the trigger mechanism.

ESCORT: Jesus… I swear to God, guys like you… We’d all live in an utopia if you put your minds to helping people as much as you do to finding ways to kill them!

SOLDIER: I’ll take that as a compliment.

ESCORT: Take it as you will. The fact remains we’ve got no idea where we are. We might be held underneath a civilian area!

SOLDIER: Or a military base.

ESCORT: Or a public square. The point is, we’ve got no fucking idea what’s above us!

SOLDIER: We have no idea what’s above us but we know what’s around us, and it’s a fucking enemy compound!

ESCORT: But we could end up blowing up a hospital — or a school! And that’s not a just evil - it's just evil.

SOLDIER: What’s evil is that we’ve been taken hostage. No acts of compassion are necessary!

ESCORT: No, acts of compassion are necessary. I’ve had it with shallow justifications! People have a tendency to simplify complex issues.

SOLDIER: Well they also have a tendency to complicate what’s simple. You think I wouldn’t like us to simply stroll out of here? You think I don’t want to make it home to my husband and sons? Our enemies are the ones who imposed this situation on us! I am the one giving you a choice! So I’ll ask you once more... Do you wish to exert your will with me, Miss Serenity?

ESCORT: I… I… I was brought into this room like I was brought into this world. Without consultation. I will leave it on my own terms.

SOLDIER: Very well. In that case we shall execute the Samsung option. …How much do you weigh?

ESCORT: Please, if you’re gonna kill us at least let me keep my dignity.

SOLDIER: Doesn’t matter - I’m sure it’s less than I do. So you’ll be wearing the glucose monitor, it’ll take too long to activate with me. <beeps> There. I set it on the lowest detectable amount. Put it around your wrist.

ESCORT: Okay, done.

SOLDIER: Alright, the trigger is ready - now for the propellant. You ready?

ESCORT: No! …But better to pull off the bandaid.

SOLDIER: Agreed. …Just one more thing before we go. Please don’t misunderstand me, Miss Serenity - I commend your dedication to peace. I truly do. I’m just worried you don’t realize how much violence peace takes. <he grunts; metal creaks> …Okay, I think I loosened it up. One more pull should do it. <more grunts of exertion; gas starts violently hissing> Alright, we’re on! Gas is lighter than air, so we better stay low as room fills with —

…Did you… Did you just break the glucose monitor?

ESCORT: I’m sorry… If I have to die I’ll die. But I will not take anyone with me! There are moments we can’t let others tell us what is right or what’s wrong, but must decide for ourselves what kind of people we're gonna be. A defeat you’re proud of is better than a victory you’re ashamed of!

SOLDIER: Good.

ESCORT: Good?

SOLDIER: Good, yeah, good.

ESCORT: What do you mean “good”?! So, you’re okay with this?

SOLDIER: I mean, at two million dead, what’s two million and two? If it were up to me, we would have all committed harakiri pretty much immediately.

(...)

ESCORT: So how does this end?

SOLDIER: We lose consciousness and suffocate.

ESCORT: No, I meant all of this!

SOLDIER: That I… I don’t know. I really don’t know.

(...)

ESCORT: I feel high… Do you feel high?

SOLDIER: I don’t know, I’ve never been high.

ESCORT: Are you sure your parents were musicians?

SOLDIER: <chuckles>

(...)

You tell me, how does this end?

ESCORT: I don’t know either. I think we’ll get to peace eventually. But not because we suddenly become better people. It will be because some new scientific and economic order will force us to live in peace.

SOLDIER: You were right, you are high.

ESCORT: <chuckles> …You know, maybe we should look into this “program” thing ourselves.

SOLDIER: I shouldn’t be telling you this but… We did look into it. It’s not something we can co-opt.

ESCORT: Why not?

SOLDIER: One of its postulates is to get rid of nations.

ESCORT: Ha, wouldn’t that be ironic. To fight this hard for a state, only for states to stop existing.

SOLDIER: Ain’t never gonna happen. Its promise is not real. It’s but a vision.

ESCORT: We did hear quite a few visions of the afterlife today.

SOLDIER: Well... Let’s see who was right.

[The Program main theme]

ANNOUNCER: This episode of The Program was made by 11 people: Michael MacCachren, Soli Reid, Terry Jansen, Tarick Glancy, Luis Restrepo, Paul Nicholas Mason, Chance Miller, Frank Salvino, David Bradshaw, Christien Ledroit, and IMS. Visit programaudioseries.com for more details. Thank you for supporting the show. We’re looking forward to bringing you many more episodes in 2025. The Program comes for us all.

WRITTEN, DIRECTED, EDITED AND PRODUCED BY

Ivan Mirko S.

CO-PRODUCED BY

Paul Nicholas Mason
Michael MacCachren
David Bradshawe

CAST

DRIVER- Luis A. Restrepo (imdb)
CLERIC - Paul Nicholas Mason (imdb)
POLICEMAN - Tarick Glancy
TRADER - Michael MacEachern (Instagram)
AIDE - Chance Miller (website)
CEO - Terry Jansen (imdb)
POLITICIAN - David Bradshawe (website)
SOLDIER - Frank Salvino (imdb)
ESCORT - Soli Reid (Mandy)

AUDIO RECORDING BY

Christien Ledroit (website)

SYNTHETIC VOICE BY

https://www.tetyys.com/SAPI4/

REFERENCES:

“Stock markets are fundamentally a way of making bets, including bets on the outcome of other peoples' bets, and bets on the outcomes of those bets. All this complexity creates lots of exploitable opportunities.” Cory Doctorow (1971 -)
"Ja, man muss seinen Feinden verzeihen, aber nicht eher, als bis sie gehängt worden." Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)
A HackerNews comment linking racism in the USA to a fad that I can no longer find (and might have been deleted in the interim)

original art by Carlos Costa

Courtesy of Comrade Larsky

Free trial period (3rd instalment)

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WRITTEN, DIRECTED, EDITED AND PRODUCED BY

CO-PRODUCED BY

CAST

AUDIO RECORDING BY

SYNTHETIC VOICE BY

REFERENCES: